Memories

When Dave came to school at 1:00 yesterday to tell me in person that our friend Ericlee had passed away, there were no words.  There were no thoughts.  Only tears.  I could not have written this post 24 hours ago, because last night I was shaking my fist at God and questioning the justice of taking the life of a man with a 37 year old wife and 3 young daughters.  I was demanding to know the justice of stripping a man who dedicated his life to fitness and health of the ability to move.

Today I spent the day with my friend Dorina and she ministered to me, as she has been doing for the past 2 decades.  She testified peace and comfort and even joy during this time.  She spoke honestly about the burden of watching her husband in pain for the past 3 weeks and the relief that he no longer is.  She proclaimed the certainty of Ericlee's welcome into the loving arms of his savior and the hope she has that her family will continue to be held and embraced by the huge community that loves them.  We laughed, we cried, we put together a funeral slide show, we reunited with our other college roommate, Cindy.   And I helped as best I could, changing her baby girl's diaper and clothes, snuggling the one who cried when her toes were stubbed, reading stories, singing songs, watching gymnastics demonstrations.  During this most difficult time, I saw Dorina's precious daughters actually exuding joy and hospitality!  I left Dorina's house today with my heart lighter and ready to share some of my own thoughts of the friend I only knew for 11 years.

Ericlee was the kind of person you might find really intimidating, especially if you are one who compares yourself to others.  He was the most fit person we knew, working as a trainer at Cross Fit and running marathons or triathlons, what seemed like, every weekend.  He had a passion for keeping his body healthy and never put anything artificial or un-organic into it.  When he learned of his cancer diagnosis, he even felt convicted to treat it using the Gerson Therapy-- juicing and consuming organic fruits and veggies every hour.    Ericlee was a great dad and I had countless opportunities to watch him parent his daughters with patience, energy, humor and grace.  He had an amazing work ethic, seen in his extreme devotion to pretty much anything he did in life.  His faith meant everything to him and he did not ever waste a moment getting to know our big God better.  He'd often share with his friends what he was learning from the latest devotional or theology book.  His faith and total trust in God is what led him to full time ministry in Haiti, where he and Dorina helped bridge resources in the US with the remote mountain town they visited every few months.  They also launched The Haitian Bead Project, which has been changing Haitian women's lives for years now by offering "a hand up rather than a hand out".  He and Dorina had this epic love that was unlike any marriage I have ever seen.  They complimented each other perfectly and lived sacrificially for one another.  They embodied the idea of "team"-- working together to passionately do everything from coaching track teams to improving the eating habits of the people around them...and in ALL things always trying to point the world to Christ.  This super fit, super Christian sounds pretty perfect, huh?  And that is why he might be intimidating.   But, Ericlee never made you feel like he was better than you (even though he probably was).  He was one of the warmest, friendliest guys you'd ever meet-- always ready to greet you with that huge smile, a hug, and inquiry about your own life.

I've been dragging some old pictures off my CD library for Dorina, so here are a few random shots taken over the years.  Each carries a special memory with it.  Ericlee and Dorina getting us to do things we'd never do on our own, like eat Ethiopian food and run half marathons (not together, that would probably not be good.).  A reunion with all my college roommates and our hubbies, before there were 8 kids in the picture. And a weekend at a house on the coast with one very creepy stuffed bobcat.

My mind has thought of little else besides Ericlee and his life and death.  And, of course, these thoughts bring up memories of my own parents.  Like Ericlee, my dad was 40 when he died.  Like my mom, he died of a short, but intense battle with cancer.  Like Meilani, their oldest daughter, I was 8 when my dad died.  As we talked Ella through all of this yesterday, she made the natural connection to my parents too.  She asked me to tell her about them.  I told her how my dad was gentle and tender-hearted.  He was the one to tickle me and hold my hand.  He was blind, so his sense of hearing was especially strong and he loved all things music.  He would take my sister and I on a walk to the ice cream shop on the corner every Tuesday night.  My mom had to raise two little kids completely on her own when my dad died suddenly.  She was strong and independent and tough enough to fight for everything her family needed, and even wanted.

Ella cut right through me when she asked, "Do you think they would have liked me?"  "Oh Hunny, they would have LOVED you!  My dad would have been your #1 fan as you played piano for him and my mom would have thought you were independent and strong too. Your amazing self would have melted her tough heart." I assured her.

A part of me is still shaking that fist at God... for the childhoods my dad missed-- mine and his granddaughters' and now for the childhoods of Meilani, Giada and Zayla that Ericlee will miss. And I have a million questions: Given what he and his life were all about, wasn't his death was the most cruel way to go?  He was such an amazing leader and servant, couldn't he have done so much more if allowed to stay on this earth?   These questions will continue to haunt me, and it is Dorina's own words that I'll continue to go back to in seeking comfort, understanding, and trust: "We have heard many people question: How could something like this happen to Ericlee? He’s so healthy, so fit, such a good guy, works so hard, sacrifices so much for Haiti, etc. etc. We want to underscore that we do not believe in that theology. We do not believe that just because you are “good,” “hard-working,” “healthy,” or even “doing good in the world” then you will be exempt from trials. In fact, the Bible gives example after example that we will ALL face trials. Every trial is an opportunity to reflect the God we trust, who holds the future and loves us deeply. James 1:2-3 says, 'Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you can be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.'"