H is for Humorous Story

Each week for show-and-tell, Ella is given a letter that the item she brings needs to start with.  Today's assigned H gave her a bit of trouble since she didn't want to bring anything "normal" or expected, like a hat or horse.  She finally came up with hydrangea-- one snipped off our giant flowering bush. 

This morning I pruned a blossom for Ella and was standing over her demonstrating how we were going to keep it from drying out (wet paper towel wrapped around the stem, plastic wrap around that), when suddenly I felt something pricking my pinkie finger.  I thought, "Hydrangeas don't have thorns, why is this branch caught in my skin?"  As I tried to brush it off, I realized what it was and screamed in surprise, which totally alarmed the girls.  As I frantically tried to unlatch a large praying mantis from my finger, I inadvertently threw it at Ella, who then started screaming herself as it crawled on her lap.  Now, normally we LOVE finding a praying mantis and think they are the coolest bugs!  Being free of its thorny legs calmed me down enough to try to get Ella to appreciate it.  "Look!  Isn't that the neatest bug ever? Look how big and green he is!" But she wanted no part of this nature lesson and started crying.  As I tired to settle a hysterical Ella by brushing the bug off her lap, I accidentally sent it soaring at Delia, who was already unhinged from Mommy screaming and Ella now weeping and wailing.  She started crying too.  Seeing my two girls crying in terror was too much, I started crying myself while the praying mantis was still free and scaring the pants off the kids.  And this was how Dave found us when he was done getting ready.

So, here's what I learned this morning: if you want to terrify your children and make them cry instantly, simply find and fling a huge exotic insect at them.  Maybe keep it in mind the next time you need to get their attention or punish them.  :)

We trapped the praying mantis and carried him back out to the hydrangea bush, where the girls were happy to finally admire him.  We even took a picture to remember him.  Dave told Ella that she had her H show-and-tell: a humorous story!